Marriage Is Not a Power Struggle

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Marriage becomes painful when every decision turns into a struggle for control. Who gets the final word? Whose preferences matter most? Who must always adjust?

Before Paul addresses husbands and wives individually, he establishes a Christlike foundation: mutual submission. This means both spouses approach marriage with humility, honour, and a willingness to consider the other person’s needs.

Biblical leadership is never permission to dominate, intimidate, or silence. Jesus did not use His authority for selfish advantage; He laid down His life in love. In the same way, submission should never be demanded or used to excuse manipulation, coercion, violence, or abuse.

Mutual submission does not mean that every decision will be easy or that both spouses will always agree. It means neither person treats the other as inferior. Both voices matter. Both perspectives deserve consideration. Both spouses remain accountable to Christ for how they use their influence.

When disagreement comes, the question should not be, “Who has the power to win?” Instead, ask, “What decision honours Christ, protects our marriage, and considers the well-being of both of us?”

A healthy marriage is not built by one person becoming larger while the other becomes smaller. It is built when two people willingly lay down pride, listen to one another, and seek God’s direction together.

Reflection question

Do the way we make decisions and resolve disagreements communicate mutual honour—or does one person’s voice consistently disappear?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, remove the struggle for control from our marriage. Teach us to honour one another and submit our desires to You. Keep us from using Scripture, authority, money, affection, or fear to gain power. Help us make decisions with humility, wisdom, and genuine concern for each other. Amen.

Today’s step 

Discuss one current decision without trying to settle it immediately. Give each spouse uninterrupted time to explain their needs and concerns, then pray together before deciding what comes next.